I have to be honest — I love being a mom. I adore my son, and I cherish how our relationship has become one of the most meaningful connections in my life. But I can’t deny that getting to this point hasn’t been easy. 

I’m not saying this because I’m a single mom, but because I want to address how society often designates moms as the default parents, whether they’re single moms or not.

Breastfeeding and the Guilt That Follows

When I gave birth to him, I struggled with breastfeeding, as many moms do. It's still something I find hard to accept: I couldn’t breastfeed him for long. In fact, he only breastfed for the first 8 months of his life.

After that, I alternated between giving him breast milk when I had enough supply and formula when I felt my supply was low, ensuring he always got the nutrition he needed. By the time he turned one, he was fully on formula and has been ever since.

What’s frustrating, however, is that in situations like this, the blame and guilt always seem to fall on the mom. Many moms I know carry this guilt, believing they haven’t done their best for their babies if they don’t breastfeed for at least the first two years
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But the reality is, the reasons behind stopping breastfeeding or not being able to meet a baby's needs are often far more complex.

It could be a lack of support from a partner, which increases stress for the mom, or pressure from our parents, who sometimes believe they know best when it comes to raising kids and offer unsolicited advice that only adds to the frustration.

It could also stem from the constant comparison to other moms who seem to have an abundant milk supply or even the challenge of balancing work and motherhood.

Since breastfeeding relies on demand and supply, it becomes especially difficult to maintain that balance when a mom is working, juggling between breastfeeding, pumping, and everything else. And so many other factors that aren’t always visible to the outside world.

The Reality of Being the Default Parent

Let me be clear: I don’t want to place blame or spread negativity toward dads.

My goal is for us—parents—to realize that it truly takes a village to raise a child. What I understand from this saying is that both parents should equally share in the responsibility of raising their kids.

Yet, when people claim that being a stay-at-home mom (SAHM) is a “non-working” role, it shows just how little they understand about the challenges moms face. From endlessly sterilizing pump parts to obsessing over why our babies aren’t gaining weight, it’s a lot to handle.

Sometimes, I wonder how many dads experience the same emotional weight we do.

The emotional load of being the default parent doesn’t just end with breastfeeding. It extends into the daily routines, like managing the endless cycle of household chores, scheduling appointments, and ensuring that everyone is fed, dressed, and ready for the day.

These tasks often fall on moms, and it's exhausting. The mental and emotional toll of being the one others rely on for every little thing can be overwhelming. And yet, when it’s time to look for help, moms are often expected to figure it out on their own.

Could Dads Do More?

As our children grow, they inevitably reach a stage where school becomes part of their routine. At this point, it seems “normal” for them to turn to their moms when they can’t find their things before heading out the door.

The constant “Mom, where’s my stuff?” has become a regular occurrence in many households. But here’s the question: Could our kids also turn to their dads for help with these daily routines?

I believe it’s entirely possible—if we start normalizing dads taking as much responsibility in parenting as moms do.

When both parents share the responsibilities equally, it doesn’t just make life easier for mom, but it also strengthens the bond between dad and child. After all, parenting is a team effort.

Time for a Change

I know I’m not the only one who feels this way, and as we start to recognize how society tends to be more mom-centered, I hope more families will begin to create habits that encourage equal roles for both moms and dads at home.

Whether it’s sharing the mental load or simply stepping in to help with everyday tasks, dads can make a huge difference.



 If that’s something that’s still a bit challenging, I kindly ask that we all show more appreciation for the efforts and love that moms pour into their families every day. 

That love is what truly helps shape us into who we are today. And when we recognize the importance of supporting each other, it becomes easier to create a balanced, loving home.

And to all the dads out there who always have their partner's back and show their love through actions—thank you.

Your support and dedication make a huge difference in the lives of your families, and you are just as integral in shaping the future of our children. Together, we can make sure that being a parent isn’t a role that falls solely on one person’s shoulders.

By Fathi Aidiya Farisa